Issue Eight
Cliff Johnson’s Treasures from the InterWeb
November 2016
 

>Take One<

Benjamin Franklin quills, “The Constitution guarantees the right to pursue happiness. It’s your duty to locate and cherish it.”

>Take Two<

David Letterman relates, “When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving. But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog. Only kidding. It was the cat.” 

>Take Three<

At the supermarket, a lady searched for a turkey, but couldn’t find one big enough to feed all her guests.

She asked the stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”

The stock boy replied, “No Ma’am. They’re dead.”

>Take Four<

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?

Pilgrims.

Why did the Pilgrim’s pants always fall down?

Because he wore his belt buckle on his hat.

What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?

Plymouth Rock.

How many cooks does it take to stuff a turkey?

Only one, but you really have to push to get him inside.

What smells the best at a Thanksgiving dinner?

Your nose.

Why did the police arrest the turkey?

They suspected fowl play.

What do you call a haunted turkey?

A poultrygeist.

>Take Five<

Vegetables are a must for a balanced diet. I recommend carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.

>Take Six<

Young Michael was sitting in his grandmother’s kitchen, watching her prepare the Thanksgiving meal.

“What are you doing?” Michael asked.

“Oh, I’m just stuffing the turkey,” his grandmother replied.

“Wow, that’s cool,” Michael remarked. “Are you going to hang it next to the moose head?”

>Take Seven<

To all young children: be sure to give the turkey a cute name and make everyone uncomfortable.

>Cut<

>Print<

Halloween Surprise.


Capturing the Moment.


Katy done and did it.


Baby Bomb.


Holiday Treat.


Seal of Approval.


A Stable Relationship.


Dammit.


Say “Cheese.”


The Fool and his Turkey.

Peter Parker’s Cat.


Really?


Vegan Glut.


A Tisket-Tasket Corporation.


Missing the Ball.

Yum.


Alpha Giraffe.


Awww.


Happy Thanksgiving.

Hotcakes.

Corn.

Watermelon.

Cheese.

Oatmeal.

Fish.

Cookie.

Drumsticks.

Lemon.

A completely different “Witch Doctor” by De Staat
A Pregnant Pause.
Technological Threat

With The Fool and his Money out the door, I’m scribing my once and future novel CRAFTPUPPET.

When my ship comes in, I’ll be at the airport.

The committee wasted hours, but kept minutes.

I had the right to remain silent, but I lacked the ability.

If you can’t laugh at yourself, I’ll be glad to do it for you.

Every time you open your mouth, some idiot starts talking.

I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

I ran three miles today. Finally, I had to concede, “Okay lady... here’s your purse back.”

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