Cliff Johnson’s Treasures from the InterWeb  

>Take One<

Someone just honked to get me out of my parking space faster.

So now I have to sit here until one of us is dead.

>Take Two<

I hate it when the parents of a newborn child ask me who the baby looks like: Mom or Dad?

The kid was born 6 minutes ago. It looks like a baked potato.

>Take Three<

Maybe aliens haven’t visited our solar system because we only have 1 star.

Most likely, they’re looking for a solar system that received a 4-5 star rating.

>Take Four<

Him: Where do you want to eat?

Her: Wherever you pick is fine.

Narrator: He soon discovered that wherever was not fine.

>Take Five<

If you see someone at the movie theater buying candy, popcorn, and a soda, then they are a drug dealer.

There is no other explanation for that type of income.

>Take Six<

Lasers were once a huge scientific breakthrough. Now we use them to play with cats.

Computers were once a huge scientific breakthrough. Now we use them to look at videos of cats.

Conclusion: Scientists are cats.

>Take Seven<

And so ends another week without me becoming unexpectedly rich.

>Cut<

>Print<