Cliff Johnson’s Treasures from the InterWeb  

>Take One<

Strangers have the best candy.

>Take Two<

You’re supposed to be doing something else right now, aren‘t you?

Yeah, me too.

>Take Three<

It has been scientifically proven that people who have more birthdays live longer.

>Take Four<

How’s being an adult going, you ask?

Well, I turned on the wrong burner and have been cooking nothing for 20 minutes.

>Take Five<

Fun with InterWeb translators.

Enter a sentence in English.

“Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.”

Translate it to French.

“Équipez la langue inventée pour satisfaire à son besoin profond de se plaindre.”

Then translate that to German.

“Statten Sie die erfundene Sprache aus, um ihrer tiefen Notwendigkeit zu genügen, sich zu beklagen.”

Then translate it back to English.

“They equip the invented language in order to meet their deep necessity to deplore themselves.”

>Take Six<

I got laser eye surgery a month ago, but I still can’t shoot lasers out of my eyes.

Am I doing it wrong? Or should I demand a refund?

>Take Seven<

I don’t want to get too technical here, but according to prominent chemists, alcohol is a solution.