Cliff Johnson’s Treasures from the InterWeb  

>Take One<

Never iron a four-leaf clover. Why press your luck?

>Take Two<

May those who love us, continue to love us.

Those who don’t love us, may God turn their hearts.

If God doesn’t turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles.

So we will know them by their limping.

>Take Three<

I’m sick and tired of Irish stereotypes. Just as soon as I down this whiskey, I’m punching someone.

>Take Four<

And without further adieu... Irish Jokes.

Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?

Because they’re always a little short.

What do you call an Irish spider?

Paddy long legs.

What did the Irish potato say to his sweetheart?

I only have eyes for you.

Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato?

To keep from falling into the stew.

What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.

What’s the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?

One less drunk at the party.

Why do leprechauns giggle when they play soccer?

Because the grass tickles their balls.

Why wasn’t Jesus born in Ireland?

God couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.

>Take Five<

How important do you have to be before you are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

>Take Six<

This year, Easter falls on April Fool’s Day.

That makes me wonder on what date the original event occurred.

And if so, are we the victims of a divine practical joke?

>Take Seven<

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.